Where's Bruno? The Children Return, a book beginning reviewed

I couldn't wait for my first ever pre-ordered book, The Children Return, the new Bruno Chef of Police book by Martin Walker.

I looked forward to the little vacation in France l get with Bruno's horse rides in the hills, his serendipitous picnics on a hill top, caving or mushroom hunts. He takes time to smell the herbs, feed the dog and pull a hunk of meat that he hunted from the freezer. Bruno feeds me and my whole soul with his wide-world view, small town purview and personal connections and earned respect. His home was built by his neighbors. His food and drink are frequently from rugby team mates, neighbors with larger gardens, vendors in the local farmers market or a thank you from a towns-person. I picture him a man who has to be about sixty for all his life events and wisdom but is decades younger and still wants kids. He ages more like Ground Hog Day.

Having read several of Martin Walker's previous books, I plan my read when it's time to drink wine. I know that in every few scenes there will be a description of a meal, prep of a dish, or a scene in a cafe that will slow even my reading so I can savor my time in France. Like days when I can't remember if someone told me something or I heard it on NPR, I think of his friends as mine... though I'm waiting to come across a Fabiola in my life.

His super-cop powers come from being a street smart, sensible, caring normal man. He solves international crimes pretty much locally. He respects women who have their own agendas, enjoys sex and continues to search for the one who wants to have his children.

I couldn't wait for the next opportunity to talk about St. Denis and dream of the next trip to France. I ordered the book and waited till the appointed day. I poured a white bordeaux rather than my usual New Zealand sauvignon blanc, made a little charcuterie plate, sans the cheese (the cave people near St. Denis didn't have cheese) and opened the Kindle.

I can't get into this book.

I'll admit right now that I don't have much tolerance for wasting time if I don't like a story. It's been years since I made myself read a book all the way through when I didn't like it. By years, I mean never. Assigned by a teacher, suggested by a mentor, recommended by Oprah, at best, I've skimmed. It's not worth minutes of my life to waste on words-in-a-row that don't connect for me. I can count on the fact that there are another 300,000 plus titles to choose from published in the last year, let alone all the stuff on the internet I could possibly peruse. I have gone back to the book several times, I read a few more paragraphs and get discouraged. I just don't care, kinda like I feel about my ex-husband.

No more mister bucolic policeman in Martin Walker's new book. Well, Bruno still might be that, but he seems more like a vapid international thriller character this time out.  I imagine that Walker's publisher, probably a guy who loves Patterson told him to be more like James and start with the torture. That's the ticket, burn some guys feet and stick a cattle prod up his ass.

In my opinion, Martin Walker needs a writing group. I bet he had one once. Seeing that he is backed up on coming titles, I can only imagine he's abbreviated or stopped his original writing practice that got him to be a best selling author, closed the door to his den and sits by himself to pump out his novels. I am imagining all this. For all I know Martin Walker is a woman. I've never taken the time to research him, I've just enjoyed his writing... till now.

A writing group would tell him to get to what Bruno cares about sooner, so we can want what he wants. They'd be brutally honest and remind him to show, don't tell, to stay away from Wikipedia and stop trying to educate. If he was in my writing group someone would count the number of times the same term is used, remind him that some repetition of words or ideas is good, it builds a perception of style but too much is boring. I suspect, Walker's departure from previous books might be his own balancing act of keeping what works and creating something new. I don't envy him this task. I'm struggling with how difficult it is for him. If he had cookie-cuttered his last book, I'd be making snide remarks about that too. At least he has multi-title book deals to get it right.

Martin Walker doesn't need to replace Maeve Binchy and tell nice, cover your smile with your hand, sweet Christian lady stories, but geez, one graphic description of a cattle prod up the anus is enough.  I now need the wine to make reading palatable rather than participate in the story.

Maybe it's the publisher who needs a focus group. I would encourage the Walker team to gather a group of people like me, so we'd get what we want.

I am going to keep reading in hopes that Bruno and I finally engage, but Amazon, don't bank on me pre-ordering a fiction book again.