Dating after 60 - A Social, Intellectual, Spiritual and Physical Experience

I made my bed, then made my coffee all the while thinking about this man I’ve been out with four times. Lunches, walks, dinner, antiquing, kissing, caressing, making out, no sex, so to speak. As I pulled up the comforter, I thought of the lively and thoughtful conversations, as I fluffed the pillows, I thought of the no sex, so to speak, and, as I made coffee, a sense of loneliness rushed through me. In a moment, the fun, the pheromones and the rudeness of reality collided.

My reality contains the years of finding plumb emotionally after ill-fated relationships, righting myself financially from near-bankruptcy, finding comfort in my independence and contentment in my interests. I live intentionally. I pay attention to and regularly assess the elements of wellbeing… my spiritual-creative, physical, social, intellectual, emotional, financial wellness. I say this to make a case that I work from my head about my heart… except, when it comes to dating, which does not fit neatly into any element of wellness. 

The loneliness is the chasm between my intentional investment in being whole without needing someone else, and wanting someone else to share my investment. 

Talking relationshipping with Ashley, my sage, thirty-two year old hairdresser, she advises me to be myself.  After sixty-four years, however, there is so much of myself to be! And, to connect myself with someone who, (must be) equally as full of a life and interested in sharing their investment in themselves, exponentially compounds the amount to be unsheltered. I find myself exhausted in the very idea, yet more wanting as more is revealed, and less capable as I realize the extent of the challenge I've created. 

My extrovert social self is gleeful in meeting new people. My spiritual is fed by learning more and deepening intimacy. With curiosity, the intellectual continues to probe and find connections and meaning... more intimacy. The physical offers stamina, connection and in some cases, a sexual response; and that god-damn-it, throws the whole, well intentioned, intellectual thing off kilter. 

The chasm narrows and deepens as tectonic plates shift. I started the oatmeal.

Patient Flow as Health Care Delivery Changes

This was also posted on a LinkedIn Group I co-manage Patient Flow for Hospitals and Healthcare Organizations. It's more esoteric than what you will usually find in Lots of Dots and Spots, but I thought that maybe you might like to see that health care organizations which have their focus on sick care, now have incentives to take leadership roles in the health of their communities.

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I’ve spent the last couple of days developing three presentations about the big picture of patient flow. All three focus on the responses, changes and challenges arising as organizations implement new services and programs to address health reform… the move from volume based to value based care.   

For the record, my personal big picture looks from the Patient’s perspective that everything is about Wellness… getting me, getting every person to optimal wellbeing. And, from the Organization’s perspective… ensuring that every individual gets the right care while the organization operates efficiently and effectively. With health reform, these perspectives… the focus on the delivery of care and the engagement of the individual to attain optimal wellbeing merge, like the proverbial, two sides of the same health care dollar coin.

From the individual’s perspective the focus remains on wellness; as the organization flips it, population health lands heads up. In response to regulatory and financial carrots and sticks, Organizations must take a leadership role and a partnership role in improving the health of the community they serve. It’s easy to surmise that this will result in new relationships with organizations and individuals in the community, different discussions in board rooms and senior management, new tactics for community engagement, marketing and community services involved in patient flow committees, revisiting goals for wellness and post-acute services, and metrics and data all around.

My point? First, I’m sick of PowerPoint. Ok, beyond that, as we talk about Patient Flow, let’s expand our view.  Let’s include the thought that patient flow begins with the individual at home, (all of us) wanting to be healthy and living fully. Let’s include discussions about what happens when they leave acute care and need encouragement and support to recover, regain health or live optimally while managing a disease. With the move to value-based care and especially with the growth in population health management, Patient Flow is not just through put or improved capacity anymore.