Longe Life Lesson 87,493 Vitamin Mod Podge

Longe Life Lesson 87,493: Do not mindlessly open and pour the weekly vitamin dosages with the Mod Podge next to the pill case.


p.s., I have two NewYears resolutions. The first is to take my reusable bags INTO the grocery store. The other is to read the direction on labels, even though I know them. So, for example, in just the few short days since the beginning of the year, I realized I make oatmeal wrong. Plus, I use toilet-bowl cleaner wrong too. 10 minute waiting period... who knew? Basically for both of them. 

I like my way... the special fast, fruity, nutty special Mary Longe oatmeal process.And, as for the toilet cleaning,   I usually come back hours later. And, by the way, did YOU know the brand is actually Mod Podge, not Modge Podge?  Since the 70s I've called it that. I guess it's another "undertoad" moment from John Irving's The World According to Garp. Anyway, my point is... read the labels and wait ten minutes. 

Longe Life Lesson 64,229 Honey in the Microwave

When needing to liquify honey that's crystallized, do not place the container top down in the microwave and immediately open the pour-top. Who knew? Honey explodes stickiness.

Longe Life Lesson 938, Toenail Polish 1

Even when you don’t need spacers to apply toenail polish, it doesn’t mean that you won’t paint your flip flop.

Longe Life Lesson 939, Toenail Polish 2

When applying toenail polish, determine first whether your field of vision requires reading glasses rather than... using the hand holding the Too Taboo pink to push them on top of your head once the bottle is opened and already tilted.

Longe Life Lessons Defined

Life is learning. We are forced to learn with each first we encounter.  Every first time is fraught with the possibility that you do it right and achieve your objective and you learn something, or you don't achieve your objective and you learn something else. As soon as you learn something from a failed attempt the original desire is at risk. Reactions to the failure are complicated by trying to avoid repeating the first attempt. And sometimes, the original objective is generated without understanding the opportunities found in the learning from the experience of an attempt at something.  The result may open up a new dot to connect... maybe a new desired outcome.

A farmer with two cows may desire a larger herd to be a more successful farmer. And after providing the sweetest of grasses and the best of clean air, she realizes her cow’s cheese is superb. She learns that she is a cheese maker not a farmer. Her desire of a larger herd is transformed. Her desire to increase her herd may remain, but her goal has changed.

Longe Life Lessons are nothing like this. They are a compilation of the stupid things I do trying to do something else. 

I will not bore you with how many times I have duplicated my stupid results.

Gall Bladder Gratitude

1. Had pain, changed diet
2. Ate better food, better nutrition
3. Arthritis subsided
4. Lost 50 pounds ... So far
5. Had pain, got a stand up desk
6. Sat less, moved more, practiced better balance
7. Learned that I'm NOT fearless and canceled the surgery. 
8. Doctors will listen, agreed with canceling surgery
9. Pain, in the wake of canceled surgery outwitted fear. Pain circumnavigated fear.
10. Health care is miraculous. GB surgery, which kept people in the hospital for days, is now done outpatient like laundry, in by 7 out by 6.
11. Health care is miraculous. Pain required 5 doses of narcotics over 36 hours only, ibuprophen for another 48. Boom! Done.
12. Health care is miraculous. 4 incisions, three of which, where the tape is smaller than half a postage stamp.
13. Sister care showed me unconditional love.
14. Neighbor care proved she meant, "I get up early"
15. Friends wishing me well, bringing meals reminds me I'm surrounded by love.
16. Took time off for recovery taught me I'm human. I needed it. I could use more time. Why did I think I could be back full time in one week?
17. Time off showed me what I would do if I had more time...
18. Time with friends and family, create, create, read, create.
19. Time off showed me that I have a love hate thing with structured time.
20. Health, though always an integral part of my life, feels more vulnerable/fleeting than ever.
21. Death isn't my concern. Pain, inability to learn and create, lack of care and love are.

Grateful I only have one gall bladder and it won't return.

Longe Life Lesson: 842,813 Champagne Taste Test

Don’t bother buying champagne with the biggest price to impress or satisfy people. Last night, six people participated in a champagne blind taste test of three bottles costing $15, $39 and $170 respectively. Three people identified one of the three correctly. Only one identified the Dom Perignon correctly. Two people called the Dom, the Korbel.   Only one voted Dom best and two liked the Korbel best. The middle priced Veuve Clicquot was neither identified nor disliked. 

p.s., Thanks to those who participated in this important scientific research. Special appreciation to the sponsor of this Champagne Extravaganza.  

Longe Life Lesson 2,044 - Spilled Dirt

Trip over the rug while carrying plants before you vacuum. 

Longe Life Lesson 4,360 - Ankle Length Sweaters

Step away from the toilet before dropping your ankle length sweater.

Longe Life Lesson 659,351 - iPads and Babies

if you use an iPad as a babysitter, put the baby AND the iPad on the floor.

Longe Life Lesson 733,928 - Claustrophobia

There are better ways than taking an MRI to find out if one is claustrophobic.

Longe Life Lesson 428,854 - Apparrel

Never wear a red shirt to Target.

Longe Life Lesson 457,326

In thirteen years, my cat has never once, gone where I wanted her to go,

stayed when I wanted her to stay or done what I wanted her to do.  A cat is not better than an Oreo.

Longe Life Lesson 7 Easter Egg Hunt

An Easter Egg hunt tripped my competitive switch. Staying in a bungalow close to the beach on the grounds of the Fountainebleau Hotel in Miami Beach, we experience one of the few family vacations that included my parents and siblings. I have snippets of memories of that trip in the 1950s, that are fueled by a couple snapshots in photo albums, two or three stories told and retold like a family myth and a searing sense of physical pain when a coin toss meant I did not win the biggest, lushest Easter basket I ever saw.

When he had the opportunity, Dad retold the story of how I embarrassed him by falling asleep at the dinner table at white table-cloth restaurant. I remember chasing after a red stone that my brother repeatedly tossed into the pool at deeper and deeper depths to teach me to dive.  I remember an argument with my mother not allowing me to go into the pool after particularly bad sunburn and eventually compromising on wearing a long sleeve shirt in the hot Florida sun. And, on Sunday after church, I remember the Easter egg hunt.

With 'Ready, set, go!" a bunch of kids, a quantity smaller than my first grade class began lifting leaves and pushing back petals to find eggs in a hotel garden. There were boys and girls younger and older than me. I remember my brother, too old to participate, acting as my coach, encouraging me and urging me to hurry. At one point I stopped to count the eggs in my basket and turned over the entire basket, dumping out the eggs. Clearly a setback, but it didn’t stop me. I’m sure it took encouragement, I refocused my search to find the most eggs.  

The competition closed when no more eggs could be found. The judges, who to me were like adults in a Charlie Brown cartoon, legs to the belt line, counted the eggs in my basket.

Behind them on a ledge stood the Easter basket with stuffed bunnies, sand pail, shovels, rakes, cars, jelly beans and chocolate. I had the most! I won the basket! And, so did a boy, bigger than me.  The judges conferred and a coin flip, it was determined, would break the tie.

He won the basket. I got the quarter and a memory that has lasted fiftyfive years. It taught me about the importance of a good coach, about fairness not being fair and about not stopping to count your eggs.  

Happy Easter. 

Longe Life Lesson 861,139

When seeing one’s Ex and he tells you how he and the new wife do blah blah blah, and it’s exactly what he did with you and it drove you crazy, do not grin like a baboon immediately. 

Longe Life Lesson 195,771

Laying clean laundry on the bed next to the clothes being packed results in taking too much stuff on a trip.

Longe Life Lesson 455,001

The cat is not as innocent as she pretends. Spider plant babies do not jump from the spider-plant umbilical cord by themselves.

Longe Life Lesson 539,863

Brown sugar put away in less than airtight conditions should not be left in the cupboard on the edge of a shelf above the china cups and saucers.

Longe Life Lesson 539,862

Never fill the empty cat bowl with kibble without wearing glasses; extra thick gravy will result in the water bowl.